It's hard to believe even for me the things that I've done,
Like im a thief committed robbery with a fully loaded gun,
Swept you off of your feet then dropped you down on your knees and gave you no chance to run,
Got too deep you couldn't just leave even after I murdered all of your trust.
Left you crushed and I know that itself is inexcusable,
You tried to help but I wasn't myself to the point I was almost delusional,
After I fell and climbed out of hell the love was no longer mutual,
Even after I change and better my ways both you and your family will never think I'm suitable.
Regardless of that fact I will never go back to act that I acted,
Detach from that extract all the bad and subtracted it,
Still difficult to actually laugh after I destroyed all that I had and let it turn to ashes,
Hard to let go of the past when I see where I am and know your all out of one more chances.
Hurt you so bad that you can easily match up and get onto another man's matress,
I know its cuz of what I've done that you wanna run and don't care who you have romance with,
And I'm here like damn is this really god's plan to see our rocketship and make sure that it crashes,
To see our paradise and turn it too a parasite just to learn not to take anything for granted.
That concept I've been grasping miss the days we were always laughing,
Miss the days we were actually happy but these days I don't know if your just acting,
I feel our love subtracting our souls detaching,
You wanna let go, I wanna grow old with you and our family.
Maybe that's too much to be asking especially when it might be something you no longer want,
Hard when you look in the past and only see broken glass memories that just haunt,
Easier too look for someone else hoping they'll help make the pain stop,
Or maybe they will be better then me not really that hard too top.
I'd rather you be on top rockin them hips cus I know that's the way to hit the right spot,
Forever and on imma give you all that I got,
And if you tell me too quit I'm sorry but that's one thing I will not.
Cus I know one thing is for certain I am determined too show you what you're worth is,
Still get butterfly like nervous whenever I see you in person,
Working to feel like I'm fulfilling my purpose trying not to overexert cus i know that your still hurting
Never have I been wordless still no easy way to word it closest thing I can say is your perfect.
Both steady working and carful of the choices we choose,
That love knot is still crisscrossed but very loose,
I wanna give it space and let you know the change and won't give one more excuse,
Battle with my heart and my mind I know I just gotta give it time but the more that I do the more that I lose.
To me any moment we are close is,
worth more than any exaggerating moment with any of my favorite famous people who say they wanna make music and pop bottles and start smokin.
What I mean is there is no other dream that I wanna see other than you and me as a family,
But can it be if we cannot believe after our dream got shot down and got us thinking our love was just a travesty.
Maybe it was but doesn't mean it is,
I know I fucked up and I regret what I did,
Wish we could forgive and forget but I know just like you my mind just constantly lets me re-live,
My mess of stress and all my regret makes me wish I never got this wish.
Or at least not when I did wasn't ready for it but when your lips met mine I was hypnotized and didn't think about the consequences,
Was nothing like we expected the amount of times you were disrespected,
By me and I always justified it by saying I was just trying to keep you protected,
Now I know lies do not protect and by telling the truth after the fact does not correct it,
Then I'd get defensive and offended then offensive walk away and try to just forget it.
Childish I became on top of other shit which explains why you are the way you are today,
I know you love me but you don't know if its worth the risk you'd have to take,
The amount of effort that would be needed to not repeat it and believe in change,
What would need to be shown for your family too know and be proud of the decision you made.
So hard to be sure that I could just be cured from the toxics I've had my whole life,
Little do you know I been fighting the fight for thirty years I think it's about time I finally do right.
But I don't blame you it's what I made you so scared to love me cuz it was so painful,
My queen of angels our fairytale fable,
Became so hatful yet after I still stay faithful even if together were not labeled.
Yes I tried too set my eyes on another female a few times,
But if I'm trying to be truthful then I'd be giving them lies and wasting there time cuz with you is always found in my mind even when I try a comparison i cannot find.
Don't wanna find even if you'll never be mine I'll always know my heart will be yours and yours will be mine,
Even after you find some guy that treats you better than I,
I hope that he's kind makes you feel alive,
just look in my eyes you'll know I'll be just fine.
I will survive find a way to shine still knowing Ill never feel complete inside.
Slit my wrists and bleed out rhymes sometimes it's the only way for me not lose it ,
Exchanging music analyzing every line emotions help remind me that I'm only human,
Been a long time since I fully felt mine tryna understand everything is almost like a Rubik's,
A beautiful mess I'm trying to undress staying aware so I'm far from clueless.
Finally know what I want and what I'm doing ,
That dream that I got I'll keep on pursuing.
And keep my head on straight so I'm not just spinning in circles,
Breaking the cycle success is my idol was always the rabbit now I'm learning to be the turtle.
Slow and steady doing what ever I can to make sure the devil don't get me,
Both feeling empty to much were expecting,
Life's plan were trying our best to be accepting our time we know is expensive but love spending.
Together remember when we said we'd never surrender,
Then we entered the blender trust got severed and our heart's got dismembered.
Communication got tore up and thrown in the shredder,
Got to a point where we knew this was not our forever.
But that doesn't mean never cuz we can do much better but this time the way it's supposed to be done.
Do all that I must spend a life time building up trust,
One more bullet in the chamber hands holding the same gun,
Hoping you'll pull the trigger with me If it meant we could fully have love.
But if you fear from pulling that trigger cuz you think it will cause another catastrophe,
I'll understand and steer clear but will always be here like I said to you before I'll do anything just for you to be happy.