My father have a funny way of showing love,
Instead of showing affection,
He expresses it in words that could bruise a fragile heart, my mom's heart.

He never physically hurt my mom,
But whenever he open his mouth,
I could hear two hearts breaking.
As I watch as my mom slowly gains a slouch in her shoulders, lowers her eyes, never making eye contact, her voice turning into weak whispers with a bit of quiver.

He never physically hurt my mom,
But I have witnessed multiple gaslighting.
Mistakes of his own doing, turning into being my mom's fault.

All of it, is my mom's fault.

His day that isn't good, mom's fault.
When his outdoor life doesn't end well, when he got home. It's his housewife fault.

And at a very young age,
I have learned what fear is.
Not for me, but for my mom's well being.
So I live recklessly, creating a rebellion for my mom's misery.
I should have known, I'm so stupid.
I should've known that in his eyes, she's always the root cause.

My father never hit my mom..until he did.

The first time that I witnessed it,
The emotions that I thought I have long disconnected from myself, returns.
Floods me in fear and helplessness.

As I watch him strangle my mom,
With a face of certainty I so wish to forgot.

And like a dam broke, my mom's towering pain finally come to light.

He never physically hurt my mom..when only I'm not around.

As I listen to her whispers of tales,
Of how she fought so hard to a battle no one else's know.
Not even her own daughter who lives under the same roof as her.
As minutes turn to hours, the whispers still doesn't stopped.

And it broke my already aching heart,
Guilt flooding me. We both want an escape,
the only difference is, I do have the choice; while she stays.

She stays for my sake.

I watch as my mom swallows her sobs,
silently wipe her tears.. as I continue to bandage her bloody hands.

And at the corner of my eyes, I see her supposed partner in sickness and in health.
The one who was supposed to care and love her whole being.
To not even spare her a glance, continue drinking his head off without a care in the fucking world.

God...if parallel universe do exist.
I wish my mom never met him, never made me.
I wish her to achieve her dream,
take the career she always wanted but stopped because of pregnancy.

God, please.. Let my mom be happy.