My survival instincts was high, Adrenaline at its peack
My heart beating 1 million times per second
Fear, hopelessness took over me while silently praying for a miracle to happen
I lost all hope when I heard the ripping of the last clothing on me
I became dead at the penetration.
I became numb, defeated, empty.
Then I tried to drew my last strength, to fight off the demon
Guess the demon was enjoying every bit of my struggle with a scoff on his face.
He left me fully satisfied with my body defied.
He wore his pants gracefully and proudly while leaving me clinging to my body gracelessly
Wish for a way to end his life and mine

I walked through the deserted road leading to my house with fears and paranoid
Do u know how many times I turned to check if I'm been followed? Like every fucking minutes!!!
Do you know, that brave face on me was all a facade? I'm scared anytime I walked alone where there are guys!
Do you know how unsecured I do feel when guys keep staring at me longer than necessary?
Do you have any ideas of the long path I do take to my house to avoid passing that house that is filled up with guys?
Do you know how many times I nearly hit a guy who accidentally touched me ?
Do you know have any idea how I felt around any male strangers getting close to me?
You turned me to a bipolar in a relationship!
You killed me!!!!

Don't dare asked me how?
Don't even try to justify your actions.
You said "I only had SEX with you, I didn't kill you"
But you might not know so let me tell you.
With the first penetration, you've taken my strength!
With my submission under your force, you've taken my hope!!
With the tears on my face, you've succeeded in drowning that emotional part of me!!!
With that look of satisfaction on your face, you've have changed my name and ideology about myself . I'm now a sex object!!!!!
With the gracefullness you stood up with, you've taken my soul with you. Leaving a robot behind!!!!!!
With that smile of satisfaction on your face, you have killed me!!!!!!!
All I want is for you to drop dead.
So don't dare tell me you are not a murderer
You are and you will always be!!!

Hey friend, don't tell me to forget it.
Don't tell me "it's all in the past "
Yes, it's my past but the past has changed the direction of my future.
Don't tell me about survivors who are doing well, instead ask them how many years it took them to get over it.
Don't look at me and tell me I asked for it.
Don't tell me I dressed be raped !!!
Do babies with diapers dressed to be raped??
Do the hijab sisters dressed to be defied
Do you know how many people you have killed with forget about it girl"
Do you know many future that has been destroyed with "people do get raped, so move on"
Of course they moved on but they are living dead
So shut the fuck up rape apologists and let them speak out!!!!!

Standing in my closet for hours, deciding on what to put on
Not because I want to look extra ordinary but because I don't want to "dress to be raped"
She had to changed her fashion sense cos "she doesn't want to "dress to be raped"
That bodycorn at the mall, she loved it but she can't have it cos she doesn't want to "dress to be raped"
Do you know she sometimes want to be home alone
Having a quiet time to herself but staying alone now is an "excuse to be raped"
We don't want to be startled anytime someone unfamiliar walk pass us or keep up the pace with us
Please!please!!please!!!
We can't be fighting against three pandemic: covid19, hunger and rapist.
I. Am. Tired.
We. Are. Tired.
The. Nation. Is. Tired.
The. World. Is. Tired.
Stop. Raping. Us.

© beanbhasail