I remember a time when I was different.
I was a fighter and never backed down.
I learnt to be calmer and control my temper, yet still quite belligerent
Now I've lost it or seems so...lost that ability to protect myself..my crown
Of some sort.

Now I let slip emotions that could learn to stay down there.
And those important ones, those I hold onto, practically afraid of letting it out.
Sometimes I do share them, not aloud but in prayer.
Afraid all I love would leave me because my truth isn't as convincing as lies.
How could they? They could, I watched them flout.
I watched them add doubt
I watch them believe em'

I stick to keeping quiet and pushing things down even though I know it's unhealthy
Because on some level I wish my character would be known better.
And it won't, I'll always have to explain myself, forever misunderstood.
Even if they did and it all comes out, I know they'll be half an apology.
Unfortunately, I'm the one who's supposed to have armour on all of the time.
I'm supposed to be good, fair, reasonable, present, pleasant, fun, happy(even faking it), understanding, and constantly climb.

But I don't know how much longer I can keep this up
Sometimes I just wanna scream
Or retreat into a bright dream
I feel like I'm not interesting enough, I'm not outgoing, and everywhere I go I bring misfortune
I shouldn't give myself so much importance...as if my impact is so huge to cause any kind of pileup
I'm more like something poisonous spreading, a toxin
I should be coming with my own admonition.

🚧 ⚠️
Stay away or prepare for sorrows,
Once clear you move toward a better tomorrow. 
⚠️ 🚧

© JPS2719