P.S: I’ve been really busy these last 2 months, moved in my own place and I’ve started my senior year of college. I’ve been so busy it’s been hard to write so this is more of a free flow poem, enjoy.
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I try opening myself up to people
But it seems to backfire
I’m feeling like I’m stuck on a high wire
Wanna go retire
From this desolate place I call home
I've got a house and roommates but I feel like i'm all alone, stuck in this dark room
Not gonna make it out of this bottomless pit in my heart
Want to run away, I gotta restart
Afraid my woes and worries will follow me till the end
I’m gonna die one day alone with no one attending my funeral it seems
Can’t keep things straight in my head
Just wanna hide under my covers
I just wanna become one with my bed
Can’t seem to pinpoint what’s wrong with me
Been searching for myself all these cold lonely nights
I try surrounding myself with other humans but this chronic loneliness never goes away
Maybe I’m a disease ridden person
Maybe I’m just not meant to find love
In friendships, in partners and maybe not even in myself
I’ve been told countless times that I’m a free spirit
That I’m a wanderer
Gonna go pull up some sad songs
Call me a sonder-er
Pull a gun out of my belt
I’ll shoot myself through my 2 way mirror
2 way paved reflection
Gone keep firing these bullets at random
I call it a multi-head on collision
Lots of misdirection, I call it improvising
I keep smoking weed and cigs cause I feel trapped inside my own body
Inside my own brain
I keep indirectly driving myself insane
I keep talking in patterns cause that’s all I’ve seem to know to do all these fucking years now
I cuss a lot
I drink to much
I pick dangerous men to fall in love with
I pick chaotic relationships to feel less boring and mundane
To keep myself distracted from all this constructed pain
In a way I’m just like the people I despise
Feel in love years ago with a...