I'm tired of living
My mum doesn't know this
I don't want her to know this

There's a blade under my shelf
I take it with me when I get into bed
Cos I always wish that I'm dead

The only thing that gives comfort
Is daydreaming that I take the stairs and fall
At least that wouldn't be my fault
And it'll take the pressure off

All this feelings
Is because of him
I lost the ability to feel
When he came in
He's all smiles
In front of my mummy
But at her back
All he does is hurt me

I can't tell her
I don't want to cause her pain
Don't want to give her a portion
Of the swelling rage
Bubbling inside of my veins

Dont want to distort her picture
Of the perfect family
That she has made up
In her head, accurately

I'll do this alone
And the only way this will go
Is if my soul goes

So I'm more than happy
To send it out
Cos of her
Just have to make it look like
It's not a planned suicide.

© ruthpharez