It never ceases to amaze me how the natural ebb and flow of time changes my perception of pain.

How when I was a small child, pain came in the form of skinned knees and bruised egos that went away with the lightest kiss.

I wasn't a teenager yet, though, when I learned that sometimes it was a kiss that could bring the bruised ego. That bruises heal faster when surface deep, but scars of the heart stay a lot longer.

I have felt the deepest, rawest, most heart-stopping pain.

Where my skin crawled beneath the flesh and I dug and dug and dug till there was nothing left but bone. Ripped open, my heart exposed... yet, there was no blood.

Still, I could feel the ache deep inside of me, gnawing at me to give in to the demon threatening to expose my weaknesses.

I have laid in the fetal position for days on end, withering away into the blackest crevices deep inside, as my world imploded, and I was surrounded on every side by a fictional enemy.


Or were they?


I have held hands with the demons inside of me as I have melted further and further away from humanity in an attempt to disappear completely.

I have felt the darkest of pains, almost unrecognizable to me now, as I sit here soaking in the rain as it washes the tears off my face.

A year ago I didn't think I'd make it..

That's the funny thing about time and the perception of pain.


© krystlereisler