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ABYSS

I'm all smiles, I always was.
Glowing with the dazzle of youth and innocence,
Being kind of stubborn and wild,
Yet a careless free spirit, a precious,
Tender soul, with nothing but love to give.
One that never failed
In brightening everyone's days,
Including the rotten ones that didn't deserve,
Not even my regard.

What I look like from the outward of my being,
Does not even get close
To the black, dusty clouds
Surrounding my mind for the time being.

I'm well aware
I apparent many things.
None of them get even close to reality.
I don't even try that hard anymore,
To hide my emotions,
Because I'm used to be this way,
So it doesn't really matter anymore,
I guess nothing ever does
When you feel sheerly empty.

But at the same time I feel so trapped.
As if I was in a cage,
Between bars.
Or like I just drowned
Into a vast ocean I cannot escape.
With no forcefulness
To get rid
Of the chains that hold a tight grip over me,
nor familiar arms to appease my fears.

When I think it is going to get better,
It doesn't but make me fall deeply,
Despite my vain efforts,
Into a savage place, clearly not one dear,
But one I hate immensely,
An abyss...


© bleeding_on_paper