When I was a kidd loneliness was my best friend
Even though we hated each other back then
still
we had a pal in common
the feeling of
Being numb
The three of us were unseparatable
Which wasn't good
things did get better
though
when drunk
became my new best bud
however
Me and drunk
were immediately an issue
Although at first
I stupidly thought
it helped
Feeling
like it made all my problems
disappear and melt
But only for a moment
is that how I felt
Because always at some point drunk
would get in a funk
call up some friends
these punks
passive agressiveness
and
agitation
who by the end of the night
had given me
a bad reputation
because inivitabley
physical agression showed up
who is
passive agressiveness's
older brother
and oh brother is he a bother .
Enough of one to make my friendship with drunk
be done
with drunk gone
loneliness
Came back
with a few strays
codependency and insecurity
they were seriously
the best of friends
better
then they ever were with me
eventually
a harmless old friend worry
came back
all alone
unfortunately
it had grown into anxiety
Lucky me
its like worry
went threw puberty
Of course
they started hanging around irrational fears
who introduced me to
emptiness and self doubt
which I was convinced
were both helping out
not sure how that came about
rather quickly
They seemed to get along
with loneliness
at least
at face value
cuz emptiness
secretly envied loneliness
since
it's not as easily fixed
A quick distraction
of company in the mix
helped loneliness
while
emptiness
is the feeling of being lonely
regardless of who's around
At least
that's what I found
Only
because when people show up lonelyness leaves
then
emptiness
starts acting like loneliness
except by inviting
bitterness to stop by
who decides
to periodically drop
resentment off
obviously
without telling me
until there's so much resentment that
rage
shows up
out of the blue
making the rest
temporarily go away
or at least fade
jeez
rage
would say
all the things
anger
couldn't convince me to say
by now
you can see why I needed an escape
sadly
as far as I know
the only way
to keep all those unwanted guest
at bay
seemed to be
getting drunk
to come by to kick it
hoping it wouldn't randomly
throw a fit
it certainly was strange
how drunk
helped with most
except for anger and rage
those three
were usually
on the same page
I figured I'd be stuck with them
till old age
until
someone introduced me to this guy
high
if I said hi to high
inviting them
to come chill
the other assholes
say goodbye
and
I don't have to feel
I'm not entirely sure why
to make
loneliness
go
and ensure the rest
can no longer show
i have to keep
high around
maybe
there presence gives me the strength
to stand my ground
and gain control over how I think
to not stay quite but instead actually speak
I have tried without high
but each and every time
things once again get out of line
without them
I am weak
that's what i say to myself
atleast
Whos to say its a lie,
maybe
the ones
high
keeps near
like
judgement, shame, fear
not to mention
a jerk called
low self esteem.
good thing there's denial
if you know what I mean
denial
one of high's closest friends
it's only closer friend is
selfishness
which if it would leave
I would not miss
honestly
i dont really
know
what to believe
especially when
high
hangs around with it's frienemy
deceit
actually
to say the truth
sometimes
i wish
it was just me
without high
then again
thats a forsure way to reinvite
my old pal
loneliness
back down
and
who knows the awful new crowd
loneliness is bound to bring around
cuz if from all this
one thing is shown
loneliness
like me
can never be
alone
that much is easy enough to see
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