At night, I scream at myself saying such harsh, demanding and lying words. I did this to myself, thinking I will grow from these harsh words, yet a lie I told myself. An insecurity is like a closed box, we're afraid to open it, yet when we look from the outside of the box. We think "What's in there?" We have the power to open the box, but so afraid of what lays within it. When we finally look inside, it's just a 400 pound dumbell. We know inside the box is a weight, but so afraid to ask for help. Why do I scream at myself? Tonight, I screamed loud. Scared of what that person thought of me, I said "Good morning" but she said nothing. Did she not like my words, what did I do and is there something wrong with me? No, we're just afraid of what people think of us. Yet, we shouldn't. We long for such connections, such acceptance and such love from others. But, afraid of accepting who we are. I'm me, but why can't I let me be me. I can tell you, it's my fear. Fear of you thinking I'm a fake, failure, or a mess. Can I accept myself for who I am or do I need a crutch that holds me up? I carry the weight of being camera shy, what others think of me, others criticism and a broken smile. Are these insecurities? No, they're obsticals. I can become a better man, today or tomorrow. A friend once said "As long as I can achieve one thing in a day, no matter how big or small, I made a difference in my life." So, I will become a man I desire. I won't become a person that physically hurts others, that rips their heart or just hurts them emotionally. I'll become me, me that becomes better every day, a me that exercises, smiles and just dances in his room. Because I want to keep loving me, the me I desire. The smile I love seeing, and the smile I want to give others. My day is always fantastic, because we're amazing. No matter what.
© Process-12