I awake in the morning
Cold,
Sometimes hot
I,
Stumble to the bathroom,
Blinded by the light that I’ve just popped on
I brush my teeth with the spiciest toothpaste I can find
I,
Gargle with 90% alcohol mouthwash, just so I can feel some type of sensation running through my body
Then,
As I look in the mirror and see a shallow,
Good for nothing,
Tormented man,
I began to cry
I began to sulk and wallow in my own despair
Discomfort,
Inability to connect with neurotypical people
What do you do when your best isn’t enough?
As the tears keep falling,
I slap myself,
Punch myself for not being smart enough to grasp the concept of a simple smile,
Touch,
Feel
I’m expected to be a provider,
A lover,
A best friend and,
A dance partner
A drinker,
Someone who smiles everyday and pretend that their life means nothing when they’re around other people
I’m expected to be everything and everyone besides myself
I’m expect to come home and cater to everyone’s every need and want but,
Who asks me about my day?
Who checks on me and asks me how I’m feeling?
As a man,
It doesn’t work that way
I was taught to hide my feelings while also being sensitive
But,
If I’m too sensitive then I’m not a man
If I’m not sensitive enough then obviously I have childhood trauma...