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A DARK MANSION

I am a mansion with a dark interior that swallows every glimmer of light.
The glamorous exterior exudes perfection yet hiding numerous horrors that hold me captive.
The sun’s rays cannot penetrate through the curtains of impregnable dark emotions.

My sanity is a relentless super hero grappling my depression with unyielding success.
I am screaming for help but all you can see is my dazzling exterior that portrays comfort and enviable happiness.
They say love is the needed switch to unleash needed relief,
But alas l fumble in the darkness to no avail only stumbling countlessly on palpable blocks of hatred and despair.

I am a mansion with hounding demons dwelling in the basement ravenously devouring every ounce of joy.
Although I frequently laugh and smile it’s just a facade I built with cemented resolution to guard my heart from frequently trespassing hopes that only come to add more disappointments.

I am an ancient mansion built on tears and a gruesome childhood
They praise the exuberance of my wisdom that I perpetually unleash like rain on scorched minds to give birth to sprouting hopes,
Yet my life is the complete antithesis,
*a journey of a blind man trapped in a maze that goes nowhere.*
I speak of love with disdain,digging graves deep enough to bury the skeletons that reminds me of it.

Because love is tantamount to a tantalizing fragrance on the neck of a harlot that is enticing to the nostrils yet compelling you to the jaws of enslaving doom.
Love is like a magician with dexterous skill capturing the attention of a gullible audience awash in awe,
When the curtain closes,he is just an ordinary man who mastered the art of manipulation to grease the wheels of his existence with falsehood

Love is an ephemeral bliss that enslaves us to a leash of dependency.
When its gone hastily like darkness at the break of dawn the leash becomes a noose choking all reasons to exist.

I am a mansion with a dark interior that blanket my soul with anguish that is spreading like a drop of ink in a glass full of water
Yet l have succumbed to its peaceful warmth.
I am a mansion with screaming voices of fear,hatred and sadness coupled with loneliness enveloping me in a profound melancholy.
Yet my mind feeds on it to fatten its belly with caution in this glittering world that is not gold.

I am a mansion with a foundation built on sufferance and despair,
Yet years of torrential struggles and pain have failed to weaken me.
I keep my doors and widows closed to the neighborly visits.
Am afraid if l open up the doors to my prison,
I will be another prisoner in a shining world of happiness and love only this time l won’t have the keys to freedom.
Enticed by the desire of wants that blind us to slavery masters with seductive words offering the forbidden fruit with an ephemeral delicious taste to the flesh,
but poisonous to the beauty within.

A vicious cycle so familiar in this world.

I am a dark mansion with memories of a hurtful past plastered on the walls;
A dying mother the center of my love,fighting to live another day alone neglected by people she loved,

But yet pretending to be strong hiding her despair underneath a smiley mask protecting her only son from her suffering.
We had nothing but love which was claimed by a shallow grave glamorized by sticks with the shape of a cross.

Her love was reciprocated with nothing but a heap of soil and a short prayer of hurried mumbo jumbo from a priest who only regard it as a societal duty.

I am a mansion with corridors of numerous painful horrors
Each door l open is like a whip tearing my flesh soaking me in my own blood,
But l walk those corridors succumbing to my penance and freeing my tears to wash the stains tarnishing my soul.

I push away those that genuinely care about me hurting them repeatedly unaware.
Alas love never gave me refugee in my troubled times but hurt,
A real feeling that punched me to the floor even when l was weak but l got up and put on my armor.

Am scared to love or be loved because in my mind am just waiting expecting it to end

This days l don’t feel a thing l just sit in the dark with a bottle of comforting bliss having a conversation in my mind trying to listen to the rational me.
Retracing the foot prints of my past that are still visible and change their direction.
Am tethered to fear of loving again but l need help to break free.......

My daily therapy session

Written by luis Rupende
© luisRupende

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