My soul is sinking right now.
I don't know how to experience this for the first time, manage the emotions, feelings and cranked thought process.
The onset numbness, racing thoughts, and all you can do is sit still feeling every sickness, every part of loneliness, depression, anxiety and fatigue. Anxiety that makes you puke up vile, emptiness, nothingness, disconnection and dissociation.
All with flashbacks or PTSD of vivid memories which are creating visions that are clanking anchors to my soul.
Inside there is motionless space. That "Fuck it" space. The no good "ignoring my problems" space.
Funny as fuck though, steadily laughing at myself until I realize I have a view of a 3rd person perspective. That made me focus.
I'm oddly different. In a creative, wise, intuitive, and common sense way.
This isn't part of the norm.
Or is "abnormality" the only "normality"? -Anon
So to cope with my differences and social awkwardness, I isolate.
I think about thinking.
I want to write poetry. Where my mind can travel through dimensions of foresight. Intuition is power.
Just my mindset is triggering me right now.
Motion sickness is coming onto my body like a wave. Rushing my blood through my body to my head.
There's confusion and a side of me who's right minded.
Then the screams start in my head again. I can't differentiate the voices of harmony or agony. Their both singing soprano and I'm getting very mad.
I can only think of it as spiritual warfare.
I do my 1,2,3,4,5 breathing and then exhale at 1,2,3 and it starts to bring down my muscle tremors. One less headache.
Im completely freaked out.
This isn't gonna work.
I can't go anywhere.
My body and mind are on an emotional rollercoaster and spiritually I'm hangin on the fence like an angry bird.
I'm becoming numb.
The wings on my shoulder blades are black peacock feathers. They're pretty when they spread all of this madness.
© Amy Jo Koontz