You stand in my shower
and it is the most intimate thing
any man has ever done with me
more, even, than the hotel
where I let an older man
take my virginity
because he said he loved me
I didn't love him but I pretended
because it felt expected because
something belonging to me
was a heady temptation
but he was never mine
You stand in my shower
and I suddenly feel
like we both belong here
in this room I rent in this
house that isn't mine
in this bathroom down the hall
where the other adults can see
I had a guest last night
You stand in my shower
I listen to the water
the television on my foor
still looping Clint Eastwood
in animated Gorillaz tones
I lay in bed, half naked
wondering at the shifts
in water spray and the sounds
it makes and trying
to imagine you there
washing me from your skin
You stand in my doorway
hair still dripping
darkening drops on your
blue t-shirt, picking lint
from your skin
because no one taught me
to wash new towels first
and then I know
the something belonging
the thing I will always carry
is loving you is
never being good enough is
this moment is
the you that I can't bring myself
to wash from my skin

© Averil Sperry