I'm rereading all I wrote, trying to find myself back in missing lines of pressed words
I'm trying to find all that you haven't touched, all fragments of me that have you missing
Because over years and years of living off longing, off effort and daydream
I no longer recognize myself empty of love for you
And all I've come to miss or miss missing has your name on it
Has it waltzing through delusional paragraphs, playing hide and seek from line to line
Has it seated by my every letter, awaiting to be brought back to life

All things I've begged to remain have left me
The faintest of warmths languished within, starved of effort, of purpose, and expired
I have become a void that can no longer grasp your smile
I have turned back into negative space, into chaotic whirlwind of meaningless echo
I am me, even if I can't recognize me anymore
I am me, but whoever it was that ever loved you is no longer here
And I feel myself wanting to miss a time where feelings were reachable
Where I could make meaning through effort and smiles and memory and you
Where you were safe assurance of peace of mind, of the existance of a nameless joy
Of a long abandoned hope, and of my capability to feel any of these things at all
A time when I saw myself three dimensional, full-fledged character
And not nameless thought, paper-thin existence dissipating in gray background

If I once longed to burn, I'll now watch myself fade away
For all deserted desires, unheard pleads to this world
I shall remain at the mercy of something unknown, erratic, as fleeting as human nature itself
That has come to dictate the meaning, the purpose of all things
As if to only now decide to throughoutly deprive me of them


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