I won't cry because I don't have it in me
My tears well up behind my eyes
But beneath my toxic pride
They quickly evaporate and dry

If I was not strong enough
There was no one to save me
So I saved myself a million times
All the while I died inside quietly

And if you would ever catch a glimpse
Of the sorrow that lives in my soul
And all the dead things that drag me down
Or the sacrifices I've made for it all

You would see the fear of failure
The dread of not being enough
Or the lack of self confidence
That is covered up by all this other stuff

You would see that each laugh
Is seasoned with pain
And that each smile that is poured out
Is done so down an open drain

That all of my sweetness
Is nothing more than a thin paste
Gently lathered over top
Of a smoldering pile of waste

You'd see that behind all the jokes
Is an escape from my past
And that I'm just trying to hide the fact
That life has been consistently kicking my ass

Despite what you see
Better or worse
I'm just a broken man
Living a life like a curse

Never shown love
Or taught how to feel
So I cover it all up
Just so that I can look real

So I can look normal
Whatever the fuck that might be
So I don't look like I'm starving
So I can look free

So I won't be found out
For being the prisoner that I am
Stuck in his own prison
Constructed in his own land

Build from his own flesh
Built from is own blood
Built from his own sweat
And from stones and mud

Built from fear
And a desire to hide
Built from scratch
From my own toxic pride

© Robert Young