NOTHING YOU
BY C WYNTER

I had a talk today, learned to accept a few good and bad things,
Felt free in a way but then also guilty, feelings so conflicting,
I wonder if part of this was my fault, I caused you trauma after all,
But yet how can I be blamed? when I wasn't even born?,
I told myself not to rely on you, never to ask for your help,
I associate it with crippling failure, when I can't help myself,
And you use this under the disguise of just helping out,
Throw it in my face, why don't you? and so I always have doubts,
That you genuinely care, or is it just a point system?,
Another way to guilt trip as you love to play victim,
So I questioned my reality, was I really such a bad daughter?
Which I only seem to be when I stand up for myself, why mother?,
I don't even wanna fight anymore, I really don't care,
Sad that I only feel at peace when you are not here,
I withdraw into my mind more, strangers we forever be,
You're like a job i tolerate and do, when it doesn't even pay me,
But then comes that hollowness, an empty that's now a preference,
They say the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference,
So I feel it all, seep into my bones, my heart, as trauma tends to do,
A sense of peace in this, a deep breath, as I nothing you.

© C.Wynter