No fight here. Here is where you get to end up perplexed.
Constantly vexed
Completely wreaked.

Then once you leave, time to step out into the light
Onto better, time to reach heights
Not for me though, not quite

I've been told I am a protector
It's like I soak up the bad and keep it all inside
I can't release it or it may go back to its owner.
So I keep it all though it may ruin me
Rather than them, me. I wouldn't have it any other way.

I wonder if they remember the many times I was there, inspiring, helping, valuing, loving
Or if all they remember is when I wasn't.
I wonder who blames me because I'm so seemingly closed off, it's my fault I'm breaking
It's my fault I'm absent
I too have always blamed myself.

See I'm not saying I'm the most sympathetic
But I try
Actually, the adjective I'd use is "pathetic"
But I try
Nothing special, pretty basic
But I try

I'm tired of trying to be understanding when people hurt my feelings, which I have.
But if I don't tell them, how would they even know?
But when I do, they feel I'm attacking 'em
Making me feel more like I'm burdening 'em
Could be me, pestering 'em
With things, too small if I'm comparing
Maybe they get distracted cause I'm boring 'em

I think I expect too much of others when I'm not coping
I think I also wish they would be there when I'm struggling
Whether it looks like I got it or if I say I'm fine and got this or make it seem like I want nothing to do with them being there.
I wish they could read my mind because I'm exhausted.
Yes in every manner, mentally, physically, emotionally even

I actually refuse to publicly break
But these days, it won't take much to break me down
This. I just can't shake
Maybe I'm not meant to, bitten by too many snakes.
I'm ready for someone to just stake me.
I'm ready to scream into nothingness
I don't want to be awake
Every body in a different rate of decay every second of every day, does it all not seem pointless?
Since, no matter what you do, every soul in existence
All ends of the same consequence

© JPS2719