⚠️ Trigger Warning ⚠️

*The following is not intended for younger readers*



What you took from me all those years ago has left my soul to never heal or grow

I was so young and to the truth I was blind that it would sit and fester in my mind

How we would disappear behind the shed, that hole in the fence that I still dread

My hand in yours, you pulled me along, not knowing before that you were so strong

And before I knew it your mouth was on mine, I pull back but you told me it's fine

I had no reason to disbelieve you, I trusted, looked up to, a role model true

Our bodies did touch in a way I knew not, you guided the steps, my actions and thoughts

You told me it's fun, but that was a lie, my innocence gone, no time to say bye

To this day, when I see you in passing, I put on a smile to keep me from asking

Do you remember what you did to me, for the way that you act you seem to be free

Though you were older than me, you too were doomed, now that I think on it you must have been groomed

Who taught you the game, to bestow such sin, the trauma, the anguish, where did it begin

Were we just objects, a girl and a boy, our bodies the pleasure of others, just toys

I now feel so worthless, I don't deserve a damn thing, my life's just a fluke we will see what it brings

Like disgust and fear, the embarrassments clear, there are still days I can't look in the mirror

Seeing myself makes the emptiness real, I would rather not know or think or feel

They say it is common for the abused, in search for lost power, to find another to use

That's not an excuse, it's not even fair I never did what you did, au contraire

I don't recall for how long or the number that passed, but you were my first and you were my last

I buried the memories until my teens, that's when all a sudden I knew what had been

Aware of that void that I had inside, wanting to be close to people but couldn't and didn't know why

As an adult, to those who inquire, I'm pure as the snow and I have no desire

Why you may ask do I feel the need to tell this huge lie afraid to be freed

I feel like used property, that's why I'm entitled, to choose who to tell, or not tell, what happened to me as a child

It makes me feel ugly and dirty immensely, I fear they'll find out and react quite intensely

Avoiding intimacy, I am a stone, with a hole in my soul, content with my life, and being alone

© Anthony Black Jr.

#trauma #abuse #Metoo