We wish for nothing more than truth and straightforwardness ... and despite our most ardent wishes we cannot help our actions being smothered in a cloud of false opinion , attempted compromises , semi - concessions , charitable silence , and erroneous interpretations ..... We hate more than death the thought that [ such ] pretense should be necessary , and such incessant chafing against these things makes us volcanic and menacing . From time to time we avenge ourselves for all our enforced concealment and compulsory self - restraint . Thus dangerously do I live ! " We emerge from our cells with terrible faces , our words and deeds are then explosions , and it is not beyond the verge of possibility that we perish through ourselves .