I should have at least given him a chance he needed,
To cough out all that he has in the past digested.
Though my anger couldn’t let me be obedient,
I should have tried to give him time even few minutes.

I know I was supposed to give him meals and his medication before 06pm.
I should have at least laid his bed even if we were not in talking terms.
I should have given him his injection like my sister always does.
I must have been his son despite our history.
I should have made him breakfast and given him his meds before 07am.
I shouldn’t have left in the morning before checking on him.
I shouldn’t have let my anger build hatred in me.
Hatred that destroyed my humanity.

Now I’m called by my neighbor accompanied by cops here in the club.
I know I did nothing wrong but I have let everything go wrong.
They suspect he died around 20H00 at night.
He’s body couldn’t cope without medication.
Medication I was supposed to give him.
Now his body stinks the whole street.

Shame to me,
He died because of me.
Because I couldn’t forgive him.
For mistakes he did as a kid.
Abandoning me, coming back to abuse me.
Now it’s haunting me.

Now questions remains unanswered,
Secrets unrevealed,
My enemies remains hidden,
Because I denied him,
A chance to explain everything.

My anger caused me to lose information that is supreme.
All I’m left with is regrets and shame.
Holding on to anger caused me grief.
Focused on things I can’t change,
And forgot I have a chance to make up for what’s lost.
But at least a lesson is learned.

Forgiving brings inner peace.
I shall learn to forgive,
Please forgive me father.
© Keabetswe Lelaka