I knew I couldn't see you online,
I'm cast out from you,
so I checked my photo logs in my phone
and there you were.
Smiling. Big eyes.
Big happy eyes. Lollipops. a purple back scratcher in your purple room.
I wanted to be happy with you so much.
I can't stop drawing your face.
Because when I went back at drawing you tonight,
It's like I forgot,
how to draw you.
So I keep drawing your eyes.
I keep drawing your face.
I keep drawing your beautiful smile.
Without the teeth.
I love every inch of your soul.
Unintentionally trying not to hurt people who don't deserve it, bc you know how that feels.

I wondered if I'd ever see your face again,
but I found you in my phone.
So I have been drawing your face all night.
your face has got my soul, walking through the night,
listening to the owls, the summer crickets, and lightning bugs,

and You got me obsessed with small pencils.
IT CHANGED MY DRAWING.
I'm not on the fence
nor have I ever been.
I used to be drunk on
insecurities
and sharing you.

It dawned on me
I never respected your heart
your feelings
your dreaming
your needing
your holiness
your art

I never loved you for the armor it took everything you had to let down.
I tried to come into your life, in hopes to not stir up a sound.
knowing now that's not what you wanted.
you wanted to be kept.
you wanted to be loved.
you wanted to make sounds with music and magic

this is tragic

Because of you
I draw in detail now.
Due to you,
I listen to complex ideas more
and read dreams and energy
and pray for my heart
to come back to me
unselfishly
I miss what we could have been
and I see it all in your eyes
when I draw
I see a new heart
an enlightened soul
I miss you whole.
your light
your dark
open arms

I'm gonna spend another winter
in an apartment
cold and alone.

pushing myself in five years
to be 13times better than I am right now.

Listening to Giles on tiktok
I can feel the energy behind his heart
I'm grateful he is here
I really feel alone.

I'm sorry
I wondered
what would happen to me
if I found a photo of your face

drawing you all night
you became my late night craze
my muse, unobtainable, so fair
my sweet nectar, that stirs my soul in color in the air.

She doesn't get to have
.....

I stop myself there

I'm not interested in control
or angry pain so pervasive

The last thing the world needs
is another angry girl, complaining, about the hustle
no graciousness, etiquette
or peace.

I wondered..
what it would be like If I saved a photo of you.

Here. I am.
drawing you.
hoping I can restore my heart
back into you.
I'm never letting go.
a visceral...