I have not been always a pleasant person to know.
A child of woe.
Though I never knew why…
I rarely cry or even bat an eye.
Being painfully truthful has gotten me into trouble.
It has never caused me to stumble.
Telling it how it is because I am a bad kid…

I don't know why I still consider myself a child.
That I'm still a girl, not a woman, that thought is truly wild.
What is the definition of an adult?
Because I see myself as something else.
Clearly ‘adulting’ shouldn't be a term because it only pertains to responsibilities and age.
I know more kids that are wise, than adults that have complex knowledge.
Are they one and the same?
That's a hefty claim.

Children might be smarter
because their lives have just started.
Viewing the world with a clean slate.
Not knowing anything of the world’s current state.
They say that ‘ignorance is bliss’
But I'm not sure if it truly is.

I'm a bad kid…
To earn that title, I don't know what I did.
Or at least I do not remember.
I used to have a temper.
Or maybe I never did.
Anxiety filled me, not hatred.
Fight, flight, or freeze.
For me, fight was always the main key.

What does it mean to be a woman,
Other than being a feminine human?
For me, that was never the case.
I didn't like dolls with dresses of lace.
Hand me a matchbox car or gaming console.
I could beat you with any game and it would be you I'd have to console.

I'm the type of person that will listen to you.
Go out on a limb too, at least, that’s what I think I do.
But people always have a different point of view.
Another thread on the screw.
But I have to stop worrying about what others think.
That's a pill that might never sink.
What people think of me is not a fault of my own.
As they know me now is different, but from my past, their impressions of me have grown.

If a car is speeding through a parking lot and will not stop, I snicker to myself.
I pull this joke from my top shelf.
“Hit me! Pay for my student loans!!”
My husband always looks at me and groans.
With that statement, I've almost always gotten the finger.
With what I've said, not a single part of me lingers.
But ‘god forbid’
I'm a bad kid…


© A. Tenney