of course I remember.
or at least
I think I do.

every 5 seconds life starts over.
every 5 seconds I’m new
and I forget any pain
or discomfort.
the chips in my fins
show something
but I don’t know what.
it’s not really my business
and anyways
I’ll be reborn again soon.
soon, soon, soon.

I get startled by my own reflection sometimes.
I forget what I look like. I forget.
I was small once. I slept soundly.
now I have to keep moving.
maybe I am a shark these days.
maybe I am shaken and desperate
running into the sides of my bowl
begging for more. begging to go
where I can’t even survive.
always wanting to do
things I’m not meant for
anyways-

I am not a warrior.
this I know. I was not built
to be one. I was built to stay
in one place. stay, stay, stay
or get ground up in the filter
trying to escape. I mean-
what am I even fighting?
the enemy is elusive.
I’ve never even seen them.
but I feel their presence and
I know they built all of this.
well, maybe they meant well.
anyways-

I think I have always been alone
but surely I came from somewhere
something someone? life
is not spontaneous. life is made.
I was made if I am living,
but I might as well be static.
every 5 seconds the train of thought
starts again. I make no progress.
I don’t change. how could I?
but anyways-

is this the ocean?
is this where I’m supposed to be?
an ocean with walls
that I throw myself against.
an ocean with ends.
an ocean I know every bit of.
an ocean with a film of dust on top.

my vision swims,
well what do you expect?
did I always feel like this?
lethargic and slow and like
the fight is drained out of me?
was I always floating?
was I always being scooped
out of the ocean,
into the sky and away, away, away-
anyways-