I would say to my friend “ If I die ,” and she will quickly stop me , not wanting to hear what I have to say , but if she let me finish I would say “ If I die young ,bury me in satin and lay me down on a bed of red roses”

I would say “it’s not because I’m yearning for my death , but when the panic and anxiety attacks onset it feels like maybe this is the time it’ll lock off my breath ….

Scary feeling if only she knew, the torture it is to stay alive and live like this and fight and fight, while you brain and body is constantly on fight or flight hoping one day or night, you’ll be normal , you’ll be alright .

Kudos !!! To anyone that has this strength , for not living like this seems easier than a vent , people may judge and plea “ why did she kill her self, it’s not like any of us has it easy.”

While that may be true, it’s different you see
pound !! pound!! palpitate !! 140 bpm there goes my heart rate, my chest is tight, and it hurts am I having a heart attack?, I’m dizzy, I can’t see,hyperventilate, cold sweats, my tummy aches, “ I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe, hold me i’m scared, I can’t sleep I can’t sleep, my hands are shaking, I’m scared and then I’m normal again and it so it goes like a replay of chucky and all the scary foes .