My eyebrows are knitted into a braided furrow.
My face is planted firmly down into a pillow.
I squeeze the puff tightly to bring rise to the center.
This is where and how I muffle my anger.
This is how and when I soak boiling hot tears off of my cheeks and my chin.
I want to be the victim.
I want to flail in self pity again
and again.
To feel the panic rise in its high tide crescendo.
I see my damp breath fogging up the night time window as i practice my best "poor me" expression,
my nose to nose with my reflection.
I like to hyperventilate.
.....The rat-rapid breathing....,
....Defeating the purpose....,
Because I am still needing to get to my lungs in there some air.
But if this all works-
What this is all about-
If I do this just right-
My lips will turn blue approximately 3 seconds before I black out.

I want to be the victim.



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