Just what is wrong with me?

I can't do anything.
Yet, I want to do everything.
Being stuck in the middle.
It's making me sizzle.

My routine turned toxic.
That's when I announced, "Fuck it."
Unclean habits left unchecked
Emptied out and decked.
Unrealistic expectations in check.
Absurd standards hit the deck.

I control the whole prefect.
Everything is mine to protect.
Everything needs to be perfect.

I am not even a disciple.
I couldn't act according to my principles.
I am unforgivable.

Why do I always end up breaking promises to myself?

The days pass.
Blended as part of the mass.
There is no bypass.
I've run out of gas.

Where did it all go?
Was it all just for show?
I am now a spectator.
Stuck living out my past as a dictator.

I didn't want it all to go.
I put on quite a show.
It was a process where there was no salvation.
Robbed myself of success, left struggling in damnation.

Do I even know my own self...