Just what is wrong with me?

I can't do anything.
Yet, I want to do everything.
Being stuck in the middle.
It's making me sizzle.

My routine turned toxic.
That's when I announced, "Fuck it."
Unclean habits left unchecked
Emptied out and decked.
Unrealistic expectations in check.
Absurd standards hit the deck.

I control the whole prefect.
Everything is mine to protect.
Everything needs to be perfect.

I am not even a disciple.
I couldn't act according to my principles.
I am unforgivable.

Why do I always end up breaking promises to myself?

The days pass.
Blended as part of the mass.
There is no bypass.
I've run out of gas.

Where did it all go?
Was it all just for show?
I am now a spectator.
Stuck living out my past as a dictator.

I didn't want it all to go.
I put on quite a show.
It was a process where there was no salvation.
Robbed myself of success, left struggling in damnation.

Do I even know my own self anymore?

Everything I touch turns to ash.
Every obstacle I encounter ends in a crash.
Every time I try to make a dash...
Reality has a way of leaving its gash.

I'm wedged in an anomaly.
Couldn't be moving more slowly
The feeling is lowly.
I'm the opposite of holy.
I had to murder my internal goalie.

Irritation sets to overdrive.
Wondering if I'm even still alive.
Calling out the ones who left me behind.
Determined to obliterate all of their kind.

This world is covered in pollution.
Death is the only permanent solution.
Anything else will only scratch at the surface.
This is a chance I can't miss.

My thoughts spin through a cycle.
I know I am very cynical.
Borderline clinical.
I'm at my pinnacle!

The feeling crawls through my flesh without an interruption.
It burns in my blood as I face an internal eruption.
Ruptured from so much negative consumption.
I am now the corruption.

The world owes me a debt.
My only desire is death.
I need them to feel my wrath.
With the despair contained in my staff.

Tearing through my mind.
I've become blind.
I should've followed the signs.
But I couldn't find the lines.

I'm stuck in an infestation
Lashing out without hesitation.
Following the implications.
I rid myself of limitations.
You can no longer reach my destination.

I can't take it anymore.
I'm descending towards the floor.
I'm gonna make it pour.
Of this, I am sure.

© DefectiveIdealists