I have always felt like I don't belong any where in this world

I only felt good in my room when I'm alone

and I wanna express it

but how can I find the words to express a feeling me myself don't know

it won't get less it just grows

it will never feel the same

when I was nine and happy

when I never felt unworthy

but now I'm going insane

am I really the same person I was six years ago

when I never thought about what I say

when I never thought about the play my life became

when I never pray to God to take me away from this world

or never exist

it was never even a small thought

but now my life is sore

better than some worst than most

it feels like I don't deserve the gifts I was given by the lord

like the body I own

I don't deserve it

a disabled person could've needed it more

not even in my body I belong not even in my room anymore

I scream and shout

and cry for help

in a voiceless way

no one notices or cares

'cause I'm just a dramatic teen they say

maybe they're right

but I still can't fight the feeling that they're wrong

I switch the light off and on hoping for a change

but it's still the same

family shouting

and I'm listening

waiting for them to finish to tell them I can't change

change is something I truly crave

but I'm always the same

making every one sad and mad and I'm glad I have the option of staying away

but not for a long period I stay

I always have to see and speak and it seems like this is just how the world works

and that's why I don't belong

I always have my mask on

the mask of being quiet all the time

the mask of hiding under a screen and never seen

looks like I belong in my dreams

oh wait

I don't belong there either
© E_M_M_A