I don't know what it is with me,
what it is with the person I created

I long for a change of the water,
some kind of change in the currents
Yet I can't bring myself to stand on the riverbanks,
to watch what would be down the river

Yet for you,
For your I would run to the river,
I would change the course to have a chance
Is your life worth more than mine?
Have I not paid my life worth's due?

Or is it just that?
Is it just that I am not you?
Is it the same guilt that has been eating me,
eating through the muscle that is my heart?

While you ran — I stood still
While you succeeded — I stood still
A bystander, more concerned with you
more concerned with your future, your ambition
Instead of looking at my sinking ship in the water

Yes, the sinking ship will be in the water,
the current will take it, will swallow it whole
But it would not change the course, the current
It will bury me once it all comes crashing down

Would you come to me then?
Would you notice me then?
Would you notice that I am no longer
there, right there
by your side?



© E. Orchids