Whoa! It's nearly eleven at night,
Hounded by things, out of sight.
Today read and saw positive things,
Yet my mind goes round in rings.

Can't seem to get in a festive mood,
With Christmas here, it's a bit rude.
Despite lifted by what I read,
Feelings, whatever are now shred.

Come weekend, I'll be a happy fake
As I venture northerly to a lake.
My mind tells me just day by day,
But I look to next week okay.

Isn’t that I look forward, cheerfully,
But if I action my thoughts fearfully.
I wonder if my life is at complete
If I surrender, it’s surely a defeat.

Why I allow my mind to screwed,
Even during meditation, its skewed.
As I support my head in my hand,
Time ticks unlike hourglass of sand.

I'm unsure of plans for next week
Cos I don't trust myself, so to speak.
With my 'not being here' thoughts
Once again dominating of sorts.

I shake my head trying to erase all,
Trying to make a stand and be tall.
My heart simply hasn't got the fight
To help my silly mind feel right.

So I'll go to sleep this torment away
Maybe wake up to great new day.
In my mind, the countdowns begun,
Numbers all the way down to one.

Let's see how my thoughts unfold,
Whether I resist of being controlled.
I want to be able to calmly resist
The deathly notion, so I can exist.

©EKE(2016)