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LOST IN MY SKIN
I have tried to keep calm.
I have always told my self to keep quiet.
The world has always reminded me that I didn't need it to have food,
That God didn't need it for me to go to heaven.....
I have laboured to make myself feel free, but I always feel tormented.
For I had kept myself for 22 years....
I had always walked with pride,
Every time I was with myself I would feel like I own the world!
I used to see my innocent body as a pure throne
Even my innocent eyes were very vibrant and reminding me of the value we (body) carried.
Not until an ogre, a thief, a devil, the demon in flesh plundered my future
From then I cry until my eyes run dry
I fear the mirror, for its not me it reflects now
what I used to call my throne is now hell.
I had a prize to give my husband but, now I don't wish to meet one since I have nothing to offer.
It was against my will, my rights were tarnished
I even didn't know its status.
They said biblically that it's divine but, I only felt how satanic it was because it came from the devil.
I was bleeding!... blood from were urine would have passed.
My soul was bruised and broken
I lost my innocence in the hands of a demon.
I lost my weight to the Nimrod that trounced my identity;
The energy it used you would think we are in a boxing competition.
I am not sure whether that ogre had red blood cells!
for I doubt whether it has a sister, a mum or a wife.
it forced me to join a world that I just think of and loose myself in my own skin.
I don't want to sit next to my dad I always think he might be that ogre's vessel.
I am always distanced from my mother since I feel she might recognise my weakness.
I don't desire to live more years.
I hate myself and even hate those I used to call dreams since I can't have them now.
I envy those who died long time and always alone.
I fear testing for I might be reminded of how I am dead.
I no longer pride in being a woman
but all this became so due to the monster that raped me @ 23 years.
and what I used to call a blessing of being woman turned to a curse.
© COUNSEL AKAN
I have always told my self to keep quiet.
The world has always reminded me that I didn't need it to have food,
That God didn't need it for me to go to heaven.....
I have laboured to make myself feel free, but I always feel tormented.
For I had kept myself for 22 years....
I had always walked with pride,
Every time I was with myself I would feel like I own the world!
I used to see my innocent body as a pure throne
Even my innocent eyes were very vibrant and reminding me of the value we (body) carried.
Not until an ogre, a thief, a devil, the demon in flesh plundered my future
From then I cry until my eyes run dry
I fear the mirror, for its not me it reflects now
what I used to call my throne is now hell.
I had a prize to give my husband but, now I don't wish to meet one since I have nothing to offer.
It was against my will, my rights were tarnished
I even didn't know its status.
They said biblically that it's divine but, I only felt how satanic it was because it came from the devil.
I was bleeding!... blood from were urine would have passed.
My soul was bruised and broken
I lost my innocence in the hands of a demon.
I lost my weight to the Nimrod that trounced my identity;
The energy it used you would think we are in a boxing competition.
I am not sure whether that ogre had red blood cells!
for I doubt whether it has a sister, a mum or a wife.
it forced me to join a world that I just think of and loose myself in my own skin.
I don't want to sit next to my dad I always think he might be that ogre's vessel.
I am always distanced from my mother since I feel she might recognise my weakness.
I don't desire to live more years.
I hate myself and even hate those I used to call dreams since I can't have them now.
I envy those who died long time and always alone.
I fear testing for I might be reminded of how I am dead.
I no longer pride in being a woman
but all this became so due to the monster that raped me @ 23 years.
and what I used to call a blessing of being woman turned to a curse.
© COUNSEL AKAN
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