I said “I don’t love you”, and re-thinking about it, I just wish I hadn’t. Sometimes words go a long way and attacks the heart. It diminishes you entirely when you truly love that special someone. It’s not about rhyming for me here, and I just need to confess. I haven’t been feeling the same since then. Since I told you those words because it affected me like hell. We both been through hell, but it doesn’t mean I don’t love you at all. I caught myself last night looking through our pictures together, throughout the ugly storms and all the different kinds of weather, wish I never ever said those words, but I was angry and those words were like underdeveloped. Should have been more thorough and re-though before I spoke. I’m truly sorry. Forever sorry. Babe you’re my wife and above all else, you are my partner in crime, my friend, the one I confine when I need to speak to and hold close to me while I sleep at night. I miss you right now because we men can be stupid, but we get lonely sometimes, and I’m not use to being without you girl I mean it this time.

My heart is confused in silence. I can’t wrap my head around it. How could this have happened to you, I still care for you regardless. I don’t want God to take you now. I need you here, I’m realizing it now and that is my fear. Fear of loosing you before making it work because that’s what marriage is about when you putting in that work, and it hurts. We weren’t perfect together, but with the man up above we can work on this like never forever. Let’s accept one another no matter the storms and the thunders, no one is perfect incase you wonder, but love is still there and whoever said it was all going to be flowers and rainbows. Shiny sounds and blue clouds all the time. That’s unrealistic and cheesy, fairly cringe and uneasy. I’m not naive so I see really easy, what works and what doesn’t anymore because with experience you gain wisdom with many more options you could explore, so lady of mine let’s swim back to shore and rise these tides together like never before. I’m praying that you recover, get a second chance if it indeed it is God’s Plan because I trust. Opposites really do attract as long as they’re willing to make it work. Relationships are nothing but work, that’s why it hurts when it’s broken. No one is ever truly perfect. Habits will most likely be there and doesn’t mean we wouldn’t care. Just trust God what else is there because I know he can get you and I anywhere. All I know is that it can work. This is not a verse. This is real talk feelings is so strong I drop tears thinking of you as I lay down and write here. This isn’t right. Why did this disease get to you when all you did was good for all others. You attempted to move up in life for your own family and that’s us, you helped me out just so much. We said mean things to eachother but mention some couples that don’t. You laying in that hospital bed while inside I attempt not to crumble, I promise myself I won’t stumble, but I’m slowly starting to tear up as I continue this path alone. If you leave now babe, we will never get that chance we deserve. It’s up to God in this world, we have no control over nothing, praying and praying at times I even thought it was for nothing. Challenges make it difficult to stay in faith, but I promise one thing I will never ever fold, I still hold my head up, my cards in my hand. I bet on you every time because I knew I could win and so I’m betting on you now Babe, please just get up and breathe. This can’t be over right now, you have you’re children in need. God if there ever was a time for your miracle to kick in, this is definitely a good time for you to do your thing. I’m counting on you to help my wife regain back her strength and she could stand once again. She deserves a second chance. If there is a heaven I’m hoping she gets more time before her visit there. This just isn’t fair.😢😔 🙏
© Johnny Cigars