Sleep makes the time go faster
I find some excuse to go to bed early
so that tomorrow will come sooner
and maybe with that arrival
something in my life will change
the sun rises and I make her breakfast
the sun peaks and I make her lunch
the sun sets and her father comes home
and with him, the headache I'll take to bed
maybe tomorrow will be different
I try not to think about the details
if I ignore the gunshot maybe he lives
I won't get to speak to him but maybe
I can sacrifice myself and he'll live
or maybe if I'd been there to see
to inhale the scent of life bleeding out
to fashion his blood over my skin
so there was no escape from his death
then maybe I could find acceptance
I'd build an altar with pretty flowers
and tears dripping down the sides
like crystalline ornaments
on a gruesome Christmas tree

little blond boys with pretty blue eyes
they should never shoot themselves in the head.

© Averil Sperry