I killed a man today.
I watched the life ebb away
in his eyes.

To my surprise
I didn't feel any different after,
wasn't racked with guilt
didn't turn to tears or laughter,
I was just the same as before.
I guess guilt needs a conscience
in which to grow or explore,
and mine was closed down.

I still went back to my town
and hugged the wife and kids.
Had dinner and quality time
until heavily my eyelids
close and we went to bed.
With the same hands instead
I touched my wife's soft skin,
then I was thinking of him.
That moment I committed a sin.

His lips were soft too
eyes that shone cobalt blue
and a body I knew well,
it was good for a long time
until he threatened to tell.
And after we spoke
I knew he'd never back down
so I had to choke
the life from him, spontaneous.
Him gone
there was no more us.

I killed a man today.
We loved each other I'd say
for the longest time.

But he crossed that line.
Couldn't be happy as it was
I killed him because
I don't want to lose this.
I can't surrender this half of me
not even for his beautiful kiss.
So I did this for them too,
at least I'll miss you
and what we had.
You filled the need I felt so bad.
Why couldn't you let it be?

In the dark we lye,
so different between my wife and I.
I won't lie
not to you.
I just did what I had to do.
I'm not a cold hearted killer
but it's true,
you can't have your cake and eat it.
So when it got stale
I flung your bit
and kept what's left for me.

From that moment you said it
we were history,
I don't regret or feel remorse
ultimatums don't work of course
let the other get there
of their own free will.
Just enjoy the ride and thrill.
I'm sorry you died
and I had to kill.

Life will be different now
and a little more empty
lonelier somehow.
I try to sleep
and keep
thinking, wow....
I killed a man today
when I said to him
that's it, done, I'm going away
forever.


© .Garry Saunders