I found myself thinking about you this morning,
craving to hear your voice.
I'm so dying just to have a small conversation with you.
I know after that small talk İ will feel much better...
As you simply would make my day so special.
It's strange i know right!
The longing to connect with someone I know very well is toxic,
As holding on will bring me nothing but pain and anxiety.
I understand that all too well,
But my heart is too blind to notice.
It still drunk in love with you
sometimes I question whether I am a fool,
A clown who enjoys being treated poorly by you.

Maybe I am addicted to your toxicity,
For in your absence I feel lost,
and I struggle to simply go on with my life. I have tried to take one step back at a time,
Attempted to forget about you and all the pains you have caused me.
By freeing myself from you without your approval,
But i always find myself caught between my past and my future.
Right in between there...
I am stuck,
Tempted to take a crawl back in your abusive hands.
But tell me...
Are your hands now safe to handle my fragile soul?


© Chavani Ripfumelo Constacia