The major reason,
I am the way I am
came from the life,
of luxury and carefree.
I had been a laid-back
ever since I was a child,
I wasn't like other children
who experience being self-sufficient
growing up,
haven't been doing things on my own
from a very young age.
When both of my parents were busy,
I wasn't left alone instead
my mom hired many babysitters,
look after me.
If there weren't babysitters to look after me,
it is just both of my parents
taking turns looking after me,
if I am being honest and truthful
used to be treated as a princess.
If I am being truthful
ever since I was born,
didn't have a lot of friends
growing up,
what do I do?
use to travel around the world,
with both of my parents and
have fun spending time with them,
I am just popular of
how positive impact on them.
In my earliest days,
I haven't talked much
all I did was.
Do whatever they,
want me to do and
just do everything
they want me to be,
I used to be quiet and
obedient even had been
patient for a long time.
Let them have control
over the little old me,
why do I behave the way I behave?
I was naturally behaved as other
neurotypicals, even though
didn't realize I had any learning disorder,
before nobody noticed I was different
they used to treat me well and equally
as everybody else was,
people in my elementary school days
use to treat me with acceptance and
respect me more, that all changed
when I started my first year in
Redmond High School,
afterward, I haven't been to
my principal recommended that I go to
instead, I just transferred to
this Bellevue divergent education place
when I went there,
all the staff and classmates used to
treat me like everybody else was
treat me with acceptance and kindness
even respect me just
not because of how I behaved as a neurotypical due to my family's Chinese-Asian lifestyles growing up.
Why is so hard for me to get out of my
safe place as an only child and stop being so spoiled?
is so hard for me not to be,
due to the complications of
strongly affected by my inner
baby artery, and my academic
barrier from a young age with
a learning disorder.
Two years later,
my family and I
pack our things,
we moved from
our second house
into a beautiful new island.
before I ever started high school,
we first went on a summer vacation
to LA California Disneyland,
at the beginning of a new life.
In my first year in high school
I was used to carrying too much
volunteering responsibilities,
in school and outside of school
the pressure of attending many
choir-loaded festivities, and went on
too many traveling events,
that all happened when I was a freshman
almost the end of my Sophomore year
I had been invited few of my choir classmates
over to my birthday party.
The heavyweight of Social Anxiety,
affect how much emotional sensitivity
I felt the more it affected how much
rebelliously I behaved,
why is so hard for me to control myself
not be inappropriately behaved in high school?
use to be delusional and overstimulated
just didn't know what was going on with me,
never realize how much damage I cause
after I had been traumatized by the pain
and the rejection by my high school crush,
I was not used to these high school expectations
because I was used to doing whatever
without any expectations from anyone
in my previous education before,
I was just used to being told to
let go and just move on or
being discriminated against.
Why is it so hard just to be an only child
since the age of nine and a half years old
who is born with a learning disorder?
there was one time, I came home from school
just threw my backpack onto the front lawn
with frustration, crying helplessly in my bedroom.
There was another time,
when I came home from school
put stuff into my backpack,
went down the Lake Washington
bottom and near my house.
Use to have Suicidal thoughts,
but, never do it for real
if I am being honest,
used to be trapped in
expectation and pressure
of my high school days.
Exactly how Roi Fabito,
use to feel and just want
to graduate and just leave
but, I still can't escape
from my first year in
Transition Program.
I was still trapped,
from my high school
rumors about me,
it still follows me like a shadow.
Never recognize being cyberbullied
from anyone at all,
As I start Bellevue College
since the winter quarter of 2017,
took the bus on my own
still busy with four classes
had another language class
on every Saturday.
Mostly, I just spend time
with new people every day,
never expect anyone to have a
massive crush on me and be
romantically interested in me.
Why is so hard for me to have anyone
understand me?
the first time, I had someone
who wants to be my boyfriend
want to be in a relationship with me,
that person was an introverted
he came from San Francisco California.
If I am being honest,
he had a learning disorder known as autism.
From the neurotypical assumptions,
neurodivergent people can't be best friends
with neurotypical people,
why is so hard for him to
take them out of his life?
I am trying to protect him,
from other people who
associated with my May
Gemini traits,
I am not the only person
who had it many more
people can be associated with it,
even though they don't have it.
Why is so hard to make him
understand the reality of
people who can have two-faced
personality just not only me?

-Laura So

© LauraGemini