When I let my memories flow
I just want to scream
How could I have not known that in a couple of years, all my efforts would blow and leave me Wandering..

I travel through a sea of changes
hoping to one day settle on a feeling.
Going from one thought to another,-
Dragging along this fading sense of 'believing'.

People tell me that it only gets worse from here,-
And that reminder only drives me to tears because it means my silent screams won't disappear
But will become a sound so fierce

Is it wrong for me to believe that even after all those supposedly terrible years, you still will not hear as I scream out
Try to reach out
Begging for help after for going so long without.
All those years without a sound, without a whine, without a cry.
All those years searching for something that's never found,-
Everlasting happiness
And a peaceful way out.
...
I did this to myself-
I built my walls too high-
I ignored every single person who tried to tear them down and see inside,-
And I have no idea why!

I tell people the same sappy story
The one about my life
With the same old words in the same old lines.
Following the script that I prepared, trying to remember what's okay to share and what's not,-
Sometimes making things up on the spot because I forgot,-
inadvertently becoming everything that I'm not- and I know that's a lot

But I desperately need help figuring out my lifes plot..
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© Nesi_VP