They said to me,
To do what they wanted to be,
I hesitated a bit,
As I contemplated my decisions,
Before I fell into the dark pit,
I knew they were wrong,
I knew I would fall,
But the feeling of acceptance,
Blocked me out of my conscience call,
I took a blind step,
I took the fall,
I fell into the dark abyss,
Where none of them heard my call,
They stood there laughing,
Told me it was alright,
They said it was good to have fun,
But here I was losing my sight,
Their words felt so hollow,
Stabbed me like the knives,
My back hurt from the burden,
The burden of my lies,
I tried to tell them ,
I tried to, when I felt uncomfortable,
They told me I was acting like a baby,
And was not being stable,
I tried to stop,
When I had enough,
But nobody saw me hurting,
For them it was just the start.

I tried to shout out for others,
I tried to call for help,
But only thing I got back in reply,
Was the echo of the words of my own self,
This time I understood,
I was the one who could help me,
I fought against them,
I wanted to be free,
Now, their friendship felt like thorns,
Pricking me at every step,
I had thought it to be a rose,
But it was only a honey locust,
Wounded me when I touched it,
Dark red seeping out of my fingers,
The pain so unbearable,
I realised that I had nothing to gain,
But everything to lose.

They extinguished my life,
The zeal that burnt long gone,
But I know it was all my fault to start with,
I can blame none,
My eagerness to impress others died,
I have no affection to ask for,
As I was cheated and lied,
Only to be left alone forever,
With all this happening,
I had my family with me,
And some friends who truly loved,
And had tried to stop me,
When I see them again,
I can still hear them laughing,
That laugh; now a shrill noise,
A harsh reminder to me,
That my laugh was one among them,
So fake and so plastic,
Full of hurt,
That’s a fake laugh but a true cry,
I can see them lying,
Lying through their tears.

I know I was just another pawn,
Who jumped in for the death that was lacking,
I can see them smiling,
But those smiles,
Not that bright,
I know they are hiding,
Hiding behind a façade,
I can see their emotions draining,
I pity them,
Maybe they feel satisfied now,
But in the future, they shall be crying,
For all their wrong deeds of the present,
They would come to regret their decisions,
As we all know karma returns.

Now, I feel free,
Free of the burden that weighed down my shoulders,
Free of the peer pressure,
Free from the need for other’s acceptance,
I learnt my lesson,
To never commit the same mistake,
Now I am smiling,
But a true smile,
I know I am rising,
But a steady rise,
I feel proud,
Proud to be back,
To my lively self.

Now when I hear them saying,
What they want, to another,
I stop them there,
Before they can go any further,
I am not gonna let it happen,
Not to me, nor to anyone else,
Never again!
I will try my best to protect,
To save the ones who are struggling,
To hold on to the ones who are slipping,
I wouldn’t let them push him into the pit,
Never again shall it happen,
But this was a promise I couldn’t keep.

Maybe it’s the cruel fate,
Or some tragic coincidence,
But it was a test,
For me and my patience,
That cruel day, I saw some guys,
Daring me to do it,
But I know,
What I have faced,
I had gone through that lane,
Already many times,
But they do not know of my pain,
That memory still stings as one of my crimes,
Now I find them laughing,
They say, ’Have some. It’s fun.’,
I reply back, 'No, Thank you.'

I do not interfere there,
I can see them trapped,
But its only themselves ,
Who can get them back,
I smile but a sad one,
As I see them passing a pack of cigarettes,
But there is one,
His eyes red and swollen,
I don't know his reason,
But I can see him struggling,
I could understand,
As I have been in his place,
I could feel his pain ,
My memories revive,
A few drops roll down my eyes,
As I see him succumb,
I see him bowing down,
Before the devil,
I see him succumb to the peer pressure,
I sit there silently,
Breaking my promise,
As my story comes to its closure.

Jasmin

© jas