"why "

"you hurt me "

" I hurt you? "

"yes and I hurt you back ".

**********************************
" look at me, look where I'm at "

"you put yourself here "

" I think I'd remember chaining myself to these walls, the shackles, they break my skin continuously, everyday, it stings, its pain"

" stop and listen to yourself, breathe in "

" you know I can barely breathe, you know there's a weight on my chest you do "

"you did that to yourself "

"stop saying that! "


"what? the truth? "

"it's not, it's not! I've been leaving like this all my life, the pain comes and goes but I'm continuously bound to these shackles and it hurts! it does! "

"breathe "

"are you not listening to me? you know I can't!"

"now whose fault is that? "

"definitely not mine "

"you're not ready "

"ready for what!?! wait, wait don't leave, if you do I have to focus on the pain "

" you did this to yourself "

"you keep saying that but I don't know what you mean! they put me here! my bestfriend put me here when she stole my husband! my mother put me here when she pushed me into an arranged marriage! my brother put me here when he cheated me out of our business! my colleagues put me here when they tallked me down, ganged up against me and got me demoted at work! you put me here when you told me it was okay to trust them! when you told me the people I love wouldn't hurt me! you put me here when you let me lean on them! when you made me believe they were perfect! you! them! you all did this to me!

"your shackles, they just got tighter "

"I know, I felt it "

"now what does that tell you? "

"don't play mind games with me "

"I'm not, I'm trying to help you, so breathe "

"if you say that one more time I sw-"

"do you ever wonder why you're still bound, why it's still so hard to breathe? "

" what are you talking about? "

"when all these people did these things to you, what did you turn too? "

"sadness "

"yes I know other than that "

"anger "

"yes and that anger became what?"

"revenge "

"exactly, you wanted to hurt them "

"the same way they hurt me "

"and you did "

"why was that your option?"

"I was hurt, I just wanted the pain to stop, I thought hurting them, making them feel everything they made me feel would make me feel better, would let me breathe "

"so you ended up doing horrible things to them, you hurt them, just like they did you "

"yes "

"so why are you still bound? why is it still hard to breathe, the shackles appeared when you learned of each of their betrayals "

"I don't know, revenge was supposed to free me "

"but? "

"but I'm barely living "

"it's still so hard, I'm still bound, I don't know what to do, it's hard "

" let go "

"what? "

"darling, let go "

"you must be kidding me, did you even hear any of the things I said! "

"Loud and clear, and where did how you reacted get you"

"nowhere! I'm still bound! "

"yes and according to your reasoning, you should be free and happy right now "

"but you're not, you're not because you didn't let go, because you didn't forgive"

"why would you expect that of me! they never even apologized, they didn't feel sorry! even if they did it doesn't change the fact that they were supposed to be my people and they hurt me! you expect me to forgive that! "

"yes "

"you're crazy "

"no, I'm your conscience, I'm all the best parts of you, you've shut me up for so long while you let yourself wither and let yourself become this person we promised never to become! so you will darn well listen to me! because I'm the you you're trying to find "

"i-"

"don't talk, just listen "

"you were bound by the actions of others yes, but you remain bound by your own actions "

"the people you love fell from the pedestal you placed them on, they showed you they weren't perfect, they showed you they were human, some downright showed you they were never meant to be on your side "

"it hurt, ofcourse it did, but what did you do? "

"you cried, that my darling is normal, there's nothing wrong with it "

"you were sad, almost depressed really, we all go that low sometimes, it doesn't mean we won't find the strength to rise out of it "

"then you got angry, your anger made you want revenge, because then it would be even yeah? then you wouldn't be a fool yeah? then you wouldn't be the person that just let people mess with them and get away with it, then it wouldn't hurt as much, then the weight in your chest would disappear till you could breathe again, right?. that's what you thought right? "

"well I know we both know where that left us "

"don't patronize me "

"shut up and listen "

" just look how much power you handed over, see how tighter your shackles have become, see how hard it is for you to breathe, did any of the things you ended up doing really make you feel any better? "

"how was I supposed to forgive people who weren't even sorry! how was I supposed to just shake it off and move on! I couldn't! they don't deserve that? "

"but you do "

"what? "

"when you forgive, it's not for the person who wronged you, it's for yourself, they didn't apologize? okay, that's on them, you on the other hand have to let go and put it behind you for your own sake. learn from everything that happens to you and do not let them define you, do not give them all that control and power over you"

"your life is so much more than the people who hurt you, accept what happened, learn from it and let yourself heal "

you say that like it's easy

"oh my darling it's not, it's the hardest thing you'll possibly ever have to do, harder than taking revenge even, and at the time it'll feel like you're failing yourself, like you're letting the world step over you, but that's not the definition of the word forgiveness,
forgiveness is I'm letting myself heal, I won't give anyone power over me, it'll hurt like hell and each day might take me a step back, but at the end of the day, if I focus on what's good for me, if I let everything else go, I'll be fine, maybe slowly, but surely