my life was nearly perfect,
nearly a dream that was within my dreams!
i tried to stay strong, only i couldn't hang in there!
I tried to fix my mistakes, only i don't have enough effort to do so!

please don't hate me for this,
because it's the only answer that has responded my call.

i am lonely and not happy!
i am angry and confused, i juss cannot wait to face another disappointment.
i am big and grown about to get some some grey!
i haven't yet lived at least 2% of my life.

mom!
i always wanted to keep you happy, no matter how impossible it seemed i never ler you down!
i am confident that you were or maybe you still proud of me, i hope every smile i brought to your face might last forever!
actually this note is for you to read and keep to your heart.

this is for Bone.
you are my brother, and i love you more than everything, i always respected you, you are a soldier, but you are the primary reason why i am ending my journey right now.
lately we've been fighting, and i never wished for that to happen.

fighting with you gives me sleepless nights, i never thought me and you we'd ever be enemies.
i promised you a house, i wanted to live with you, run my businesses together, well that will never happen.
i believe you'd find it in your heart to understand why i did some of the things that i did to you.
i am so sorry i pulled a gun on you that other time.
i never meant to break your arm that day when we were fighting i was really angry please forgive me again.
i love you please put that in your heart.

mom.
i have two sister that i don't know wether they love me or not.
i did almost everything for them!
all i wanted was to see them happy, now i think that am buying them to be there for me.

i have 2 beautiful nieces and nephews, what precious souls.
i know that they love me, and i do too, i always treated them like they're my own children especially the bigger sister.
i can guarantee that she'll miss searching my bag and take sweets or small chocolates and coins.
juss do not try to convince them that i am coming back let them know that i am gone forever.
i thought I'd see them grow another wish that i made.

unfortunately I'll never drive them to school or to the malls or take them for a stroll.
if they cry let them
if they say something juss let them be at least that might be the last things that they might say while they still remember me.

i am inlove with a lady that is not inlove with me, after 4 years and a month i finally meet another Angel that i love.
she made me to realize that my previous marriage that failed was juss a past i can't spend another 11 years thinking about what happened in the past 11 years.
maybe if i didn't tell her about my past i wouldn't fell inlove with her.
she an Angel i wish i meet her again in the next life.
i hope you understand that i doing this because i love you too much, and this love is killing me inside, it's too strong and i can't carry it anymore.

we shall meet again in paradise