#FutureSelf
How did i survive those old days?
I wonder how can I blame others
For my insecurities that was imbeded
From my childhood...

I was raised in patriarch culture
Thinking a girl must fight for her rights
She is not entitled to leadership
Nor being independent
If you want to survive,
You must have coaurage to rebel against your father's choices for you, defend against your brothers excuse and protect yourself from your husband's tantrums

I have watched my mother suffered, almost every day, taking of all the blames of being a woman, not utter a word against this monarchy rule of family setting. Sometimes I saw her tears rolled down from her cheeks and wanted to help her in her helplessness. When she said, u deserve a better life than me.. I cried almost all nights thinking about all of her trauma..

I promised her that I would protest if same thing will happen to me in future. I promised that I will not cry alone and suffer insted I will tell the whole world that I deserved to be treated as human being.. I deserve to be treated with respect and dignity..
I promised my self I will not only earn my living but will earn my independence as well..

Things turned out to bee worst in my case.... I dad was a monarch but my husband turned out be a dictator..
While I was thinking of democracy inside family setting I got trapped inside an abusive dictatora rule..

Comparing both, I found out there was at least freedom of oponion inside my dad's rules all thouth his opinion matter more but in Dictagors rule, freedom of speech is a crime.. Oponion doesn't matter.. And a woman is defined by the quality of her being like a automatic robot, with high speed and accuracy whithout anny resemblances of being human...

The pressure of being a ideal woman almost take away the feeling of being a human..
Feeling happy and joy full is a seldom thought there was not even a chance of feeling pain, feeling tired, exhausted or latargic... Crying or expression of hurt was not even imaginable as woman was expected to act like machine... Mute.. Faking a smile all day, cleaning, cooking, doing the laundry and preparing pleasure in a hierarchy..


Fortunately, my mother reminded me of her suuerings and bring back some life in me. Feeling of pain and surrow sprouted like I am alive now... I can cry with her and act being a human again.. Then I realized how monary rule of my father is far better than what is happening in my life...

Though I planned for democracy, I happily accepted that monarchy... Then

How I survived those days were more pleasant then how I act being dead for years...

Now I realise that I never had the control over other people system. What's in my hand is improving myife and taking decisions for my choices.
I have choosen to be a Robin Hood..
I don't care who is ruling any more or who has the power or who is incharge.
I live in my wood with my rebellion though all alone not caring to interfare in both of the houses ..
I have chosen my path all by myself and take responsibility of all concequences.
I have supress my fear of not being good enough and embraced the artists inside me.. I creat my master piece and enjoy my solitaire..
I don't care people oponion as now I have my own opinion about my self..

I love to do things that brings joy to me and ultimately made my struggle for freadom more meaningful. I live independently now with freedom of choices and my oponion is the only one that matters..
My dreams and my vision have taken shape and now is is the heights of success.. One step against all odd and one decision it takes to make my life better.
One bold decision against the system made me the person whom I wanted to be..
All my life I craved for freedom... Now I act on my free will.. Do things I love...

Most importantly, I m rasing a real man who will advocate my thinking and phyloshopy and hopefully more men like him will bring in that house rule which I wanted ho haave all my life..


© Author_Punam