I know I'm not okay
I know I can be okay
I know I'll be okay
But you know
I don't wanna be okay

I don't wanna leave
The familiar embrace
Of sorrow and pain.
Change is much scarier
Than the usual aches.

At least with the everyday life
Of crying till I succumb myself to sleep
I have managed to make a living out of it.
Well sort of-ish..

I don't wanna step out of my comfort zone
Even if it's filled with nothing but thorns.

I am scared
That if I make myself be..
If I allow myself to feel joy
Like every normal human being should..

I'm just afraid that I wouldn't
Be able to handle the sadness that came after.

Once I experienced the light
Darkness could never feel like it is before.

I don't want to leave my suffocating home.
If I'll be locked in there again.

So don't.
Don't give me hope.
Just for it to be broken again the next day.

Don't make me feel.
The numbness is much better
Than the roller coaster ride of whatever love brings.

Please, don't.
Don't try to bring me to the surface.
I'll hate the look on your disappointed gaze once you realise it's not working.
The once loving gaze turned into a burning glare of hatred.

I am okay with the pain.
But I don't want you to be caught in it.

So please, spare yourself from me.

© Bashful