prezentatsiya:

I've went and gone so long
Without my derealization episodes
But they're slowly creeping in again
I've been losing touch with reality
And I kind of like it actually
The overwhelming stress
With caring about what others think
Has gradually begin to rot away
Who am I?
Where am I?
Anxiety and panic and fear
It's all an amalgamation
Of my actual being
This energy doesn't feel right
But it actually is right
Right?
No left turns on this autobahn
Just straight courses
Intermingling both the speed of sound
And that of light
I'm past the point of clinical insanity
With convincing myself
That if I fill my head up with fantasies
No matter how farfetched they are
They will come for me someday
With knives in hand
Ready to stab to death
The one who conceived them
A beautiful case of dreamed matricide
And I won't fight it
With movie screams and flailing arms
Because I can't breathe and believe
At the same time.


PouringRain:

I'll romanticize the insanity
That leaks into my violet veins
As I question whether
The sky above me is real
Dangling claws reach down
A puppeteer of madness
That I've imagined
Controlling my impulses in my imagination
I don't know the truth
Nor do I want to
The horrid fantasies
Make me feel alive
For running from death
And leaving bloody tracks
Reminds me that somewhere within the flesh
Is my lonesome heart beating
Wake up, you're just dreaming
They say as their voices echo in my brain
But what a thrill it is
To not know reality from my illusions
And I'd rather die in a state
Of a tragic wonderland
Than live in a world
With no thrill of red at all.

-----


This was a collaboration poem I worked on with the lovely and incredibly talented poetess know as prezentatsiya, who is unfortunately no longer with us. After removing my poems from Poetizer, I felt like I owed it to her to keep her poetry alive so I have decided to post this here. This poem was written June 13, 2023.