I'm so tired. I'm so sad.
This whole story's made me mad.
Pretending there's no feelings,
Pretending they haven't reached their ceilings,
Pretending they're about to be gone,
Pretending I can just wake up and move on.
When not a day goes by when I don't look back,
To when we were holding hands and all seemed on the right track.
I don't think I'd ever felt happier before,
And life finally didn't seem like a tired chore.
In that moment everything felt right,
Every fire in my heart burning bright.
For those few hours, for this very short time,
It felt like we were both willing to make that climb.

I half expected you to write it was all a dream,
I half expected you to write and start to scream.
That my hand was holding yours, you were barely there,
And not even for a second could I see in your eyes that you care.
When I knew what was there, I know it still,
And I know that some day you too will.
And so back to the old chapter we go,
We've been here before, you know?
It feels like we're stuck here you and I,
Can't be together, not willing to try.
Not willing to let your mind freely wonder,
What kind of evil spell it is that we're under.

And so here is another poem, another rhyme,
Another pointless attempt to fill in the time.
As I count every second 'til I see your eyes,
And then watch as my hope so slowly dies.
Days turn into weeks, weeks into months,
Strange I didn't feel all this about you once.
Feels like forever ago when you were a stranger,
When I didn't know about your smile causing danger.
When one joke about not seeing what I see,
Wouldn't make me go crazy and just let me be.
When I wouldn't spend hours wondering what you feel,
When all of this seemed so imaginary, so not real.

We're back behind this line as it seems,
Friends who sometimes appear in their dreams.
Friend who waits because what can he do,
When his whole world revolves around you.
Friend who waits because he's seen the spark,
In our eyes even in moments when it's dark.
Friend who waits because he knows you're the voice,
That always brings calmness when around there's noise.
In those times when you wonder what you feel,
I wish I could play a recording of us to see that it's real.
That it's worth it to think about us being close,
That it's worth it to rethink how our story goes.

In this story you're not a chapter, not a footnote,
You're the center, the author, you're the vote.
The deciding vote on what the ending shall be,
Whether it'll be us together or just you, and me.
I just want you to truly know what's there in my heart,
Now it feels like it was built just for you from the start.
But I know it's life, I know things don't always go well,
I know sometimes you spend time in your personal hell.
I'm just tired of being in mine, I'm so tired.
Tired that all these moments and feelings backfired.

Tired of thinking what's in your head,
Tired of thinking if those feelings are dead.
Tired of looking into those beautiful eyes,
Tired of thinking what that glance implies.
Tired of writing word after word after word,
Tired of wondering if it's all too absurd.
Tired of convincing you that it's you,
Tired of convincing you it's all true.
But I'm still not tired of you, not for an instance,
No matter how long and winding the distance.

Because the ending will be worth all this pain,
I know that this suffering will not be in vein.
I have to think that if you let yourself dream,
You will know that we belong on one team.
Fuck, if you only knew how much I think about you,
About those green eyes that sometimes turn blue.
I know this is all mad, it's difficult, it's pain,
Just as I know when you're around I'm going insane.
Let me show you how insane I am, let's be insane combined,
Let's walk that path without too much thinking, blind.

***

One step forward, two steps back,
Turning all of my world dark.

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