It was hard to say goodbye.

Closing off a chapter that I didn't want to end.

For once, words cannot encapsulate my feelings,
even through poetic representation.

Last week I was hurting.
As if a shadow had been cast
over everything in my life.

I quickly learned how inaccurate
the word "heartbreak" is.

A slow ripping, tearing sensation in my chest.
"Break" is too quick of a word
for something that prolonged and painful.

This week, though, I am just saddened.

Lost a friendship that meant a lot to me.
I put 110% into that relationship.
It was everything I had ever wanted.
And I was happy with how things were going.

But other feelings started sprouting up,
unbidden and unwanted.

Feelings I never wanted to have.

I tried to hide them.
Tried to bury and deny they existed.
I was so scared it would end our friendship.

And it did.
Very suddenly and abruptly.

Leaving behind a void
that I don't know how to fill.

The sorrow..
I'm sorry I couldn't have been different.
I'm sorry things went in a direction
neither of us wanted.
I am so sorry.

I wish with everything in me
that it didn't turn out this way.

I'm still trying to just appreciate
the good that happened
over all that time.

But it's hard not to think back
on those happier memories,
and feel sad for what is no more
and can no longer be.

Thought I already spent all my tears,
didn't expect to cry while writing this.

I am trying so hard to move forward.
I really am.

It seems like God lined things up, though;
As this friendship ended, three more opened.

But these new friendships are not as deep.
Not yet, at least. Maybe one day.

Suppose I'll try to keep building up
the other relationships in my life.

I still do and always will root for you.