im engulfed in self loathing i hate myself for memy Constant and repeated failure at life. there is no greater suffering than I wasted life. I dont wanna make any desicions for myself anymore, if I could stay is rehab forever. I would. at this point. I'm Fucking Scared i will not make it back again if I relapse my mind and heart literally can't stand anymore misfortune, SHAME & Guilt EAT AWAY at ME to the point OF ME Hyper- Ventalating, and Crying uncontrollably ive never wanted to scream and just Break something as bad as I do now I want to enflict pain on myself ( i have never felt all this before now) I don't act on these feelings Becuase im still halfway metally sain and think rationally, I think theres & Breaking point. And ive reached mine, or im real fucking Close to it Im trying to be optimistic, my thoughts are sadistic, im toxic, i want to quit. I'm trying really hard to care anymore I mean obviously I care about being sober and successful or I wouldn't be here anyway I'm done complaining I love you and I'm grateful to still have a relationship with you that's not based on bias or judgment Love your favorite brother Chris
© Christopher george