They say, life is so easy..it passes just fine,
Until one day you just grow old and sigh.
Aahh the things were wonderful back then,
The saga continues and goes on like the sea.
Then, there, right at the moment, I realized , "the normal perfect life" was never for me.


A childhood so hurtful, a teenage so rebel, so many mistakes and occurrences i couldn't settle.
I am not enough when on my own, nor my mental state is ready to be alone.
A useless piece of garbage waiting in the corner to be thrown.


Harsh comments, dreadful criticism even motivation serves like sweet poison.
Everyone believes too much of my lies or never believes my truth.
Indeed they fail, blinded by me to understand me.
Maybe, maybe I am too shy or arrogant to share,
Or maybe I keep my boundaries to protect my heart out of worst scares.
I love my people but they don't love me, I feel like burdened to be in everyone's care.


I try so hard to open, to share, to cry my heart out.
Mix up with everyone, be happy as always I am!
Things trigger me no one knows about, Feels lame to shout these, weeping my heart aloud!

I swear I care for myself but I can't ignore,
Thus, I murder myself in my bedroom every night.
Distraction, distance, disease or maybe death can't deal when my mind is always on fight.
I am the reason for sure, for every disaster, disappointment in your head right?


Go on don't be nice, dont claim to understand me when you can't,
Murdering myself for people has now became my religion, An invisible chant.


I will not see another dreadful night, i will be strong and smiling, giving you my world even if it's broken.
My beloved, my beliefs are true and will not be shaken,
As long as I stand by me, even alone, I am taken.
I will do good even if it's not meant for me,
I will stay by everyones' side mudering myself happily.

© Smriti