CONTROL
BY C WYNTER

I relapsed a bit yesterday, Thoughts in a frenzy manner,
Talked down on myself, that's not ok, got to get it together,
And my mind bullied the shit outta me, self sabotage at its finest,
Oh the things depression does to me!, confusion at its highest,
I look for all the faults, that way I can better protect myself,
If I am ahead of the negativity, I can be in better health,
If I hurt myself, then no one can hurt me, ha!, I win,
I can control the flow of emotions if I let doubts in,
Told me to fade away, you're too much, it's draining,
For people to have to listen to you vent and no changing,
But I have changed, I am still here, I'm fighting all this,
But my mind will feed me lies sometimes and sadly I'll believe it,
Because whispers are deadly in the quietness of the night,
Depression prowls hungrily, intent in the first strike,
I want to apologize to my friends when i get like this, its so unfair,
That they have to deal with it too, when even they are unclear,
On just how fucked up it is, living a life this way,
Wanting to get better but the schizo is here to stay,
So I'm sorry I'm like this,i can only do better with time,
But trust me it ain't easy, when you can't control your mind.

© C.Wynter