PART1
The first boy I fell for was like something out of a high school dream
Chiseled facial structure, baby blues eyes, and part of the basketball team
However, foolish little ol’ me fell for the wrong guy
He was a gorgeous Ken, but also a bully in disguise

So onto the next one my naive feelings went
Still not out of the closet, living in there, free from rent
The next individual that fell upon my gaze
Had bleach blonde hair and often left my feelings in a haze
For we were friends since childhood, a twin so fraternal
A delusional infatuation of mine that turned out not to be eternal

The following boy was an eloquent one, an individual so kind
The infatuation lasting like a race, but I was always pacing behind
His eyes were brown and trusting, his skin was so tan
There was so much humor and integrity that I saw in this man
Whoever would lock him down would be one lucky woman
He was a “Jack of All Trades” in my eyes, the greatest showman

The last boy of my high school years would roll in through a monsoon
But when my internal storm would settle down, all I would see is his gorgeous ocean blues
For this was the year I knew my facade would be laid to rest
As depression, anxiety, and coming out of the closet became the real test
Always one to listen, his bright red love was quite a rare find
He was a genuine person that made sure nobody ever felt left behind
But walls of my own making would be built on one side
An ocean I placed between us, as I got swept away by the tide

PART 2
Marooned, I found myself alone in my next chapter
A huge university, rambunctious sport chants, and witty banter
From there I sought community again and let a part of me go dormant
A new place, a new me, with no familiar informants
From a church on a hill, I was enamored with a new crush
My sexuality only half open, with a self imposed hush

This new man was on the short side, brown eyes from Jersey
We bonded over close dorms, movie marathons, and our religion’s “supposed mercy”
I knew he did not swing that way, and I forced myself to stay single
This would be how my next two crushes go as I went on and mingled

The following man was a fellow who was a bit reserved
Another guy who didn’t feel the same way, but I appreciated he wasn’t perturbed
Roommate turned close friend, a man from of the midwest
Broad shouldered, bearded, he had an immaculate chest
I often wondered to myself why any woman wouldn’t want to know
A man so kind, charmingly awkward, and “Not Your Average Joe”

The last man I was enamored by was truly on the “straight and narrow”
A community mentor, a man of the cloth that followed his own arrow
Caught in the hazel glow of his radiant gaze
I felt quite odd sitting in this one sided “lavender haze”
But this friend looked out for me and we both did what was for the best
And in the most literal sense, he is the reason I even passed my driving test

But impossible one sided loves and infatuations would have to be put to the side
As my college years were nearing a close, I met a true devil in disguise
No longer playing tug of war with two aspects of myself
I attempted a workplace romance while getting some outside help
Pointers came from friends and I went in for the chase
Things were all going well until it all blew up in my face
“You are too innocent, too monogamous”, calamitous insults thrown my way
But little did he know, you never “kiss a writer in the dark without rueing the day”

CONCLUSION
Years later, “Gorgeous Ocean Blues” returned, a decade in the making
Meeting this version of me who cast aside all of his faking
Confessing a second time, I admit I downplayed the rejection
For a decade is pretty long to hold onto this type of affection
But in time, I found I gained more from what I thought I had lost
An invaluable friend that I vowed to not lose again at all cost
These days I work on myself and my ambitions knowing “that one day” will come
Like a famed songwriter once reassured me “he just wasn’t the one”
© Michael Kevin Olegario