"I met a guy, he has a girlfriend", she tells her friends
She says it as she puts on her makeup, looking in the mirror, waiting for judgment and concealing the worry lines that beg for advice
"How did you guys meet?" they ask
"Paths just crossed," she tells them, knowing her heart was searching for a part of it that was lost.
"What are you guys?" her friends ask.
"I don't know," she tells them, "it's complicated," knowing she's the only one complicating it.
"But how can you be anything? He has a girlfriend."
She stays silent; she heard the words out loud her mind had been whispering and she had ignored.
"How does he treat you?" they ask.
"He's like a switch," she says softly, "he's on and then he's off, and his behavior says we're gonna be something but his tongue tells me he's in love with her."
"How do you feel about him? Do you love him?" they ask.
"I feel what I feel," she tells them, looking away from the mirror to not see what she was thinking, and to avoid the shame in what she was feeling, loving him.
"Has he ever said he likes you?" they ask.
She pretends not to hear, knowing he only acts like it, and may have said it once at the start but made it clear she has his heart.
They see the look on her face.
"He's using you and you know it," they say. "How are you okay with that? Why don't you just walk away?"
"I know," she tells them, "but sometimes the feeling of getting used doesn't hurt as much when you've only ever been unwanted. It's complicated; at least I'm being used."
"He's gonna break your heart, you're gonna break your own heart," they tell her.
"I know," she says to them, "but sometimes the inevitable of getting your heart broken is forgettable in the good moments when you feel what you think is meant to be, is gonna be, though you know it can't and will never be."
"You're just the other girl," they tell her, "it's wrong. Do you like knowing you're the girl hidden in the trees?"
"It doesn't feel good, I know it's wrong," she tells them, "it's complicated. Sometimes you fall for the people who you just shouldn't, the people who you and them just can't be."
"You can't continue and go through with this," her friends tell her, "there are other fish in the sea who'll treat you right, just wait and see. You said it yourself, you guys will never be, he's using you."
"I know it's wrong and I'll be hurt in the end," she tells her friends, "but it comes with its good and its bad and in the good moments I forget about her and him just using me and how we'll never be.
And there's other fish in the sea, but I can't wait until they find me, so I'm taking the heartbreak and the using, and the good feelings that are ephemeral and I'm being the other girl 'til I'm no longer of need.
And that's when I'll cry and tell myself I should've known better.
But right now is right now."

She finishes putting on her red lipstick to match her maroon dress.
Her phone rings.
"I'm going now," she tells her friends, "he wants to see me."

She then leaves with her head held low, heart full of hope and wonder, and a mind anticipating the heartbreak tainted by his hand.
But again she tells herself,
"It's complicated."
"And right now, is right now."

© Dantewrites